Too Pretty!

Today, before the evening rain, God placed a beautiful double rainbow in the sky. It was too pretty not to share!

Early Rains are Back!

You are in America welcoming spring, and here in Ethiopia we are welcoming the early rains! 

After months upon months with full on sun all the time, I am excited to welcome back the rains. Or, the early rains. For the next month or so we will get a nice rain storm every day that will hopefully cool the air and hydrate the dry and dusty earth! That means it is time to pull out the rain boots and the rain coat again--and figure out how to zip my little miss up inside! These rains will last about a month before the sun returns full time. At that point though it will only be a month of sun before the full rainy season comes back.

Excited for the rains and looking forward to the life that it will bring back to the earth here! 

Mountains and Valleys

I have debated whether or not to post this for some time, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that it is okay to share the valley moments as well as the mountain top experiences. Right now, I am in a valley.

Sometimes it is hard to admit that things do not go smoothly all the time. It's hard to allow for that vulnerability and share the reality that some days, weeks, or even seasons of mission work are not always easy. Right now, I am in one of those valleys. 

I am at a point where I am so passionate about what I am doing, but struggling with being away from home. I am living my dream here in Africa, but life in America seems so appealing. I am struggling with feeling disconnected and separated from life on the East Coast. I am both pouring out and receiving love from the boys at the orphanage and my baby girl, but I am longing for the tangible connection with my loved ones stateside. I so want time here to stop so that I can drink in the blessing that is mission work, meanwhile another part of me is willing time to fly so I can be running into those long awaited hugs back home. 

You see, it's a battle. A time when everything is good, and yet I am struggling. I don't share this so you can feel bad for me, but rather so that you can pray for me. But not just me, each and every missionary around the globe that is feeling this same way for this given time. 

This week, be in prayer that God would wrap His ever present arms around my fragile heart and remind me that even in the valley He is faithful! Pray that this truth is one that I would not just believe, but accept. Pray that this time of discouragement and missing home would pass quickly and I would find myself feeling fueled and ready to face whatever God has for me in the next 4 months here. 

1st World Girl: 3rd World Problems

     I recently met with the leaders of the compound that we are living on to explore the possibility of renting a house of my own here on the compound. I am getting ready to start my eighth month in Ethiopia which seems impossible, but along with that I am eager to test out my independence and see what I am really capable of living here on my own. I have learned SO much living with Jon and Jess, and now I am ready to take that into the real world. I have secured a house and am planning to move in this weekend.

     Yesterday I spent the day at little shops around town getting fabric for my "couches". Don't be fooled. I am in Africa so my couch consists of two beds pushed together with a bunch of pillows. I have to laugh at the things we can get away with here... Beds as couches, duck tape for upholstering, and a major explosion of color that falls together so well in the space. TIA y'all (This Is Africa)!  

     This is what I like to call: 1st world girl, 3rd world problem. When it came time to skirt my repurposed beds, I was reminded of my lack of materials to keep everything in place. Well, when all else fails, borrow the neighbor's duct tape. Worked like a charm, and looking at it you'd never know a classic American fix is holding it all together!

Welcome to life in Africa!

Light in the Darkness

     As I sit and write this, the power is out. It seems fitting as that is what got me thinking about this post to begin with. Power outages and Matthew 5:14.

"You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden."

     There was an evening a few months ago when I had gone to spend some time with a friend--the power was out. The house where this friend lived was on the most beautiful piece of property on top of a hill that provided a stunning overlook of the town of Soddo below. There we sat looking down on the darkness, when all of the sudden the power returned. Soddo lit up like a Christmas tree. In that same moment, cheers and an eruption of clapping filled the air; even from a few miles away, the excitement in the town beneath us was unmistakable. It was joy, pure joy. 

     When I read Matthew 5:14, that experience instantly came flooding back. It made me wonder what this world would look like if we lit up for Christ in the same way the town of Soddo lit up beneath me. What would it look like if our passion and fire for Him was as obvious as light returning to the darkness? I have a feeling that the same joy and excitement would erupt from those watching the transformation, and that its reach would travel for miles. 

     Just a thought that passed through my little brain on this powerless Saturday.

To Love

With Valentine's Day weekend wrapping up, it seems like love is a pretty popular topic of conversation. Or at least, it's pretty popular when it comes to posts on Facebook. This afternoon I spent some time thinking about love. What it means, what it really is to love somebody, what the love of Christ looks like and should look like in our lives... Just love. 

I came to the conclusion that there is only one truly courageous thing we can do with our lives; to love unconditionally. Absolutely, with all of ourselves, so much that it hurts and then more.

My mission field is love. The people I am reaching are the world's "lowest of lows". Orphans. It's sad to me that these chidren are considered low, because in eyes of Jesus and in my heart of hearts these kids are at the top. I love them to the point that if I could offer them a stable home and provide the best of the best for them, I would pack them up and adopt them all in a heartbeat. But this is where the loving until it hurts comes in. I love these kids as much as the air I breath, and yet I know that in giving them all this love, there will come a day that I will have to walk away and say "goodbye". God will send them forever families that will be a part of His plan, and for me that means accepting that I am part of the now plan, but not the forever plan. But in that, I know there will come a day when my heart will ache to be with them, when I will physically feel the painful longing to wrap my arms around them, and a day when all the love that God granted me for them will leave an emptiness in my life. My mind tells me not to give them my all, becaues it will be easier when I have to go. My heart tells me that I love them with a deeper love than I ever could have imagined, and to give them any less than all of that and then some would be disobedience to God. 

It is a complicated, sacrificial effort to love somebody. Giving all of yourself, especially knowing that it will one day come to an end, is especially deep. However, in this I find a call to trust. A call to trust that for the now, God has me here to make a difference in the lives of these children. He has me here to represent Him and share a piece of the love that He has overabundantly blessed me with. But it is also not something that God has called me to forever, and in that I must trust that if I have given my all, I have fulfilled His purpose for the now. I must trust that He will provide that extra dose of love for when I am gone. I have to trust that adoption will open and He will send the perfect forever families. I have to trust that what I offered was enough, and that for the rest of their lives He will meet them where they are and provide. 

So when people ask me, "What do you do with the kids?" my answer is as simple and as complex as...

I love them!

Home?

So many people have asked me about my 1st day back at the orphanage. Asking how it went, how the kids responded, etc. 

Let me first say that adjusting back this time around has been more difficult than I expected. Maybe because I relied so heavily on those I love while I was home, so leaving them was more difficult. Maybe because I got a fresh taste of what it was like to be with them, and the normalcy of not seeing them went out the window. Or maybe just because I am torn and my love is split between two places. While I was home, all I wanted was to get back to my babies. And when I am here I so want to be with those I care about at home. It's a split that any missionary can understand. The need to have my cake and eat it too. 

Over the last month as I have made a life in both America and in Ethiopia, I find the idea of "home" to be one I am working to define in my own life... Home. It seems like an easy enough term to define, right? Home is where the heart is. Home is wherever you are with those you love. However, in becoming a missionary it became even more difficult to pinpoint where and what this home actually was. Because if home is where the heart is, well chances are your heart is split. If home is wherever you are with the ones you love, then I'd bet you again find yourself torn. It's not always a bad thing, to feel a great sense of belonging in multiple places. It does get complicated though when it comes to figuring out how to merge the two lives and not get lost in the scramble. 

A BIG part in adjusting back to life here came in my return to the orphanage yesterday morning. It was wonderful, absolutely fabulous! As I walked in the door the chants began, "Hannah, Hannah, Hannah". As I rounded the corner some kids did a double take, others looked in disbelief like "is she really here?" Then came baby E. He did both of these, then got the biggest grin on his face. When I sat him down on my lap he kept looking up to be sure I was there. When he saw I was he would giggle, then snuggle back in. It was great. I am not sure who was more happy to see who... Me or the kids. Probably me! 

Africa is great, Ethiopia is beautiful, but at the end of the day the kids are the reason that I am here. The reason that I am ok with saying goodbye to my family for six more months, and the reason that these days of readjusting do not break me. God has a purpose for me here far beyond any I could imagine for myself.